Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
