My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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