I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
