12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
