so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
