Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
