Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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