I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Randomize
