clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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