And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
