She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
