im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
