Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
