Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
