This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
