True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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