I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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