the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just invented taco cereal.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
