I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
