The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
