He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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