wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
