All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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