Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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