It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
