we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
