I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
