I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
