I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
