when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
