I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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