I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
