i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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