everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
