you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
