Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
