So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
