you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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