god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
