Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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