Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
