we have officially lost it.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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