he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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