i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
