I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We are two peas in an std pod
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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