My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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