we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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