When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
