I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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