youre lurking in front of me
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
